The Worst Day

In December of 2000 my ferrett George died. My husband and I had just bought our house and I was working as Head Teller at the bank. One of my co-workers had heard of a bunch of cats that were found in a dumpster behind Ames (now Target). I went to visit the kittens and came home with the cutest grey and white striped kitten we named Ashley. We took her to the vet to get checked out and found out the she was a he :-) So Ashley became Ashes.
He was a great cat. I had cats growing up that were crazy, pulling down the ceiling tiles, biting and scratching. Ashes never did any of those things. He was a big cat weighing almost 28 pounds. He loved to be brushed and let me give him baths and clip his nails with no complaining. He loved to be carried around like a baby and he would put his head on my shoulder. I started calling him Cat because he would run if you asked where the cat was :-)
After we had The Girl we bought a new couch. Ashes had it out for that couch. If he got around the couch he would mark it. She we made him his own room. The dogs slept in that room and his food, water, litter box and bed were in there. My beads are also in that room. The girl and I would visit and play with him every day. My wonderful husband took over changing the litterbox while I was pregnant.
On Wednesday I noticed he was looking funny. He looked a little thinner than he did the day before and he was breathing hard. I thought it was the heat so we put a fan in his room to circulate the air conditioning. (We only have window units)
On Thursday I was off from the salon in the morning to work on some Etsy shop stuff and make more etched copper pendants. I checked on him when I woke up and he was still breathing heavy but ran to greet me when I came in the room. I brushed him and asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't leave my side so I let him out into the kitchen with me while I worked. I took a shower with him in the bathroom. When I sat down to do my makeup he ran over to me. I knelt down and cradled him in my arms. He took 3 breaths and went limp. I knew he was gone but I kept running in and out of the room yelling what's wrong, what's wrong. what can I do?
My husband was gone for the day and out of cell phone range. I didn't know what to do so I just sat with him for a long time and wrapped him in a new green blanket, he loved fleece blankets.
He was buried this morning and I still can't believe he's gone. It seems so surreal. I haven't been able to go in his room yet and I am not sure when I will feel okay to go in there. I know he was just a cat but he was my cat, he was a part of our family. When The Girl first started talking we would laugh because she would say "Cat, doggie, doggie, doggie, doggie" we figured out it was because we have 4 dogs but only the one cat.

Dear Ashes,
Thank you for picking us as your forever home. I was happy to be your mom and although it was very hard on me to be with you when you passed I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I hope you know that you were loved and will be missed. I know the pain in my heart will fade but the memories of you never will. 

Ashes December 2009