Sunday, October 16, 2011

I am the Worst Mama Ever

I want to say thanks to everyone that visited my button post and left a comment.
I am really busy (will get to that later) so I may not get around to responding to everyone's e-mail till later in the week.

Why are you so busy Shannon?

Well thanks for asking, I am so busy because, get this: A store in my area requested that I come in tomorrow to show them my work! Holy Moly! I almost died when she said she wanted to see me and my work as soon as possible for holiday shopping. Once I beat back the fear monger panic set in. I am working on an open house for the salon, working in the salon (I own the shop and do nails 30+ hrs a week), trying to prepare my house for the holidays (occupancy really we are under construction), move my craft supplies into the spare bedroom, organize said supplies, take 2 e-courses, make more jewelry for Bliss in Sugar Loaf, NY,  make more jewelry for the salon, make more etched copper for sale, oh yeah and be a wife and mother.
To say that I am tired is an understatement. I am sure most are rolling their eyes because they do all this while standing on 1 foot, juggling 4 kids as a single mother, working full time and feeding the homeless. I however am not a super hero and get tired. I am tired all the time lately. I am sure it is hormones, being overweight or just being so stressed but it stinks. I always say that I could get so much more done if I didn't need sleep.

Now onto why I am the worst mama.
I thought I was doing everything right. I had a natural birth, breastfed, made my own baby food, I tried cloth diapers (just ewww), we limit tv, and sugar, and read no less than 10 book a day.

The other night while my daughter and I were playing with her piano I wanted a turn to show her how it worked. It has a light that you follow to play a "real" song. Okay well miss Emily didn't want me to have a turn and pushed me out of the way. So I said "you're no fun."

You would have thought I told her I was never going to see her again, ever. She started crying, no scratch that, sobbing. Hysterically. Uncontrollably. Sobbing. My heart broke. I said I am sorry in every way I know how. I said I didn't mean it. I explained why I said it. I told her I'd give her a cupcake if she forgave me. Yes, that worked.
Today, 3 days later, while she was playing with her dolls her Mama doll told her Emily doll that she was no fun.

Ugh, kid you're killing me.



Penny said...

Thank you for your post Shannon, I feel like the worst mom lots, I feel guilty when I spend time on the computer, I feel guilty when I want to make jewelry, I feel guilty that I want some time to myself, I feel like I never have enough time in my day for all of the things I would like to get done, sometimes my house is a disaster, laundry is piled high and I just want to make a frozen pizza and not a home cooked meal. You are an excellent mom, because you care and recognize when said something you regret. She will forget, and knows that you love her and at the end of the day that is what matters. Take care, give yourself a hug and maybe take a little break if you can so that you can recharge you batteries.

Barbara Lewis said...

You're schedule is amazing! I don't know how you do it! But your story reminded me of the time my daughter, I think she was 5 at the time and her brother was 4, told me that I wasn't being a good mother because David was going to get hurt because I was going to let him play soccer. I remember the scene like it was yesterday. We were in the hallway of the preschool and she was practically wagging her finger at me! She's 27 now and her brother is nearly 26 ... they both survived childhood without even a stitch! One day you will laugh with your daughter about this and I hope you hold it over her head so you can tease her a little. That's what I do with mine! Heck, they've gotta pay like they made me pay! This is all said in great love ... I'm still amazed that my kids like hanging around me ... but your daughter will to ... you'll see. xo

Marsha of Marsha Neal Studio said...

Three going on Thirteen… I've been feeling similar pangs from my almost 4 year old. She is such a mirror and it worries me sometimes that my patience is way too low and I nag at her (in that exhausted tone). She is becoming quite the impatient bossy little girl - wonder why…

As long as we take the time to talk to them and spend quality time with them (bribing with sweets is ok by me) then they should turn out pretty ok. I'm not shooting for exceptional genus, but rather someone that is happy & caring and has a great sense of humor and is good with dealing with various situations on her feet (without putting that foot into her mouth like her mom often does).

Lots more to come… Good thing you are paying attention and listening :)

Meagan said...

First off, congratulations on your contact! I hope that all works well for you there & you get a great order! I'm sure life is feeling hectic & crazy right about now. It seems like that sort of thing comes in cycles. You'll be crazy busy for a while, then dead for a while...which IMO is a good thing. Breaks are good & it gives us time to re-energize & evaluate life. Good luck getting your house ready for your party & you're little bit will be okay. She'll forget about it or one day she'll understand what you really meant! It's funny what they take to heart & what they don't. If only they were that way with instruction!

stacilouise said...

Its really hard, but you know what, you are human. She needs to learn that. Just talk to her and say, "mom makes mistakes too, and I am sorry if I hurt your feelings". Just like you would want her to do if she said something not nice to someone. (and not that you were not nice, but "YOU are no fun", and "what you did to mom is no fun", come across very different to a kid; or "YOU are bad" vs. "what you did was a bad choice") Just talk to her, its means a lot to them when they see that you are not perfect either (because NONE of us are, and we have all done such things!) it gives her the freedom to make mistakes and learn to fix them too. *hugs* she will always love you. she will forgive you. Your her mama who obviously loves her more than anything.

CraftyHope said...

Wow, you ARE a busy girl!!
I'm so sorry your precious baby took you offhandedly comment so rough. Kids can so be that way sometimes. You never quite know how some things will stick them. They have no sense of sarcasm. Sorry :(

Shel said...

Okay - this cracked me up!

First - your ability to manage your schedule is amazing. My hat's off to you!

2nd - you're not the worst mom ever - not even close! But I completely understand where you're coming from because I'm sure many Moms feel this way (I know I have)!

I once told me 3 and 1/2 year old (who's now 14!!) that he was "driving me up a wall!" Well, at the time he laughed and said "Oh, Mama, you can't drive up walls!" I felt bad about saying that out loud for a longest time and was pleased he didn't really 'get it' - or so I thought!

Then, one day, he says to me when I'm trying to get him to help me clean up his toys, "Mama, you're driving me up a wall with all this stuff!" Oops,....I felt so awful, let me tell you!! (Cause ya know exactly where he heard it!)

We laugh about it now, and have for several years. Thank goodness kids are pretty good at foregiveness when it comes to their Mamas!!

You're doing fine,.....

My Life Under the Bus said...

Oh Shannon it happens to the best of us. I jokingly could not get two of my boys to stop fighting and said " One of you has to go live in the tree house. My eight year old said , "I'LL GO" and one of my ten year olds started to cry. I was trying to break up the fight and obviously failed miserably. But seriously go turn on any cable channel and watch something like Dance Moms or Toddlers and Tiaras - you'll feel like a million bucks! XOXO

Sarah said...

Awww......I think all mamas have had a few moments like this. I told my oldest he was a dork this morning and he got all upset and he is 11. To recognize that it might not had been the "right" thing to say is good - I quickly apologized to him and told him I was just being goofy with him and that I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings. I think it gets better for a while and then the teens hit and it starts all over again. :D

Mellisa said...

I think Patty hit it right on the an episode of any "reality" show involving children and you'll come away from it feeling like you are the best parent in the world :) Yep, you need to cut yourself some slack there chickie!